What if…we talk about kind and caring people? - not labelling it as being ‘feminine’?
Thoughts on the ‘feminine’ box!
It can be challenging to think about anything else in a society where gender is constantly policed and divided. Suppose we are genuinely interested in looking for ways to move gender equity forward. In that case, we must start by breaking down the binaries that dictate how we should behave.
There is a prevailing idea that being kind and caring is something ‘feminine’ and not something people can work on and develop regardless of gender.
In this article, I want to explore the benefits of becoming more aware of how we talk by changing our choice of words and language. We can create a world where you are talking more about being kind and caring, rather than labelling it as ‘feminine’.
What do you associate ‘feminine’ to be?
First, every box we create in our minds, such as labelling something as ‘feminine’, makes an association in our minds and creates an assumption.
It took me quite some time to understand why I reacted with rage and irritation each time I was told to step into my feminine power.
For decades, my reaction was a total inner shut down; I noticed that what I associated with ‘feminine’ wasn’t something I wanted to be. Nor did I feel I could be authentic if I pretended to be ‘feminine’. I couldn’t quite understand why I reacted that way.
It wasn’t until we started the work for #NoMoreBoxes, The Transformational Movement, and our events that we set up a safe space for people to explore their unconscious biases towards genders.
Going through that process for myself, I noticed that deep down, I associated ‘Feminine’ with being weak; it was being vain and begging for help.
This was an enormous a-ha- moment for me. Here I was, the feminist and gender equality advocate that wasn’t aligned with my assumption of what was ‘feminine.’
What do you associate ‘feminine’ to be?
Is it similar to mine or something totally different?
If we want leaders to be more kind and caring, why don’t we just say so?
There is a lot of talk about needing kind and caring leadership in the world, but it seems we’re not doing much to create it. We seem to be better at creating a muddle.
Expecting women to be kind and caring and have that trait, is a total blindspot!
Why is that a blind spot?
Well, women might be socially conditioned to be kind and caring. However, authentically only some women are - and some women are not!
At the same time, some men are naturally kind and caring and as a consequence of the gender stereotypes, they don’t get a chance because that is not seen as ‘masculine’.
We all have different associations with what is ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’.
How about we skip the box and call out the traits we want to have more of or less of in the leadership world?
If we want leadership to be more kind and caring, we need to become change. We must do the work. Do personal development work to shift our perceptions and expectations. Work on being kind and caring, regardless of our gender.
How about we put more effort into knowing who we are at the core, allowing ourselves to step in and step up the game. Believing in our own strength? Creating space for people of any gender who are caring and kind to step up and step into leadership roles!
And then, we need to model this new way of being for others.
Thinking and believing that women will bring that trait into leadership is, in my view, NOT the answer.
It will continue to bring assumptions to women. Women are not all naturally kind, caring, or even interested in getting that into their leadership traits.
“You can become change by changing your choice of words, and create a world where we have kinder and more caring leadership.”
Imagine a world where being kind and caring is not labelled as being ‘feminine’.
A world where we can be ourselves and where we don’t need to put people into boxes based on their gender. A world where girls and boys can dream big, feel comfortable, and feel valued for being kind and caring, strong and forward-thinking without being judged and labelled as being ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’.
We need leaders willing to stand up for what is right and ready to challenge the status quo.
Are you up for the challenge?
Rúna Magnúsdóttir, Inspirational Speaker and Podcast Guest on Self-Leadership and The New Paradigm for Gender Equity
