Are Your Social Conditionings Turning You into a Handbag?
The consequences of unconsciously placing yourself into the ‘Handbag-box’!
In my last article, I talked about our social conditions, how they play out and why we need to be aware of them.
Today I want to talk about how social conditionings can push some women into what I call: the ‘Handbag-box’. A situation where women are considered their families/or husbands' possessions or "handbags”, often expected to be submissive and follow their families'/husbands' orders without questioning them.
I notice women, and yes, some men from all over the world living, not thriving, in this box. Even in my home country Iceland which has been ranked number one in the world for gender equality, the ‘Handbag Box’ is a box that is holding way too many women away from being independent, free-spirited women living their best life.
How can that be, you might be asking yourself?
My answer; Well, I often see the reason is directly linked to our social conditionings, the age-old ‘habits’, and ‘traditions’ that our family, community and society have created.
In case this topic makes you wonder if you are stuck in the ‘Handbag Box’. Here are three common blind spots that can help you spot your box.
Three common blind spots indicate you are somebody else’s handbag.
Neglecting their own goals and interests:
Women who consistently put their family and husband's goals and interests before their own may unconsciously accept their role as their family and husband's handbags. This could involve sacrificing their career aspirations, hobbies, or social life to support their families'/husbands' goals and interests.
You might be thinking: Well, shouldn't family always come first?
Some people might say a full-on YES to that question. I have, however, asked myself: Why 'should' that be a women's role, and why is it considered such a shameful thing for a woman to love her family AND put herself before her family or husband?
I've also noticed a pattern here with some of my female friends who are or have been in this situation; they grew up with that pattern. They grew up seeing their mum place themselves not in the first seat, second, or third... most often somewhere between the 8-10th row.
On a positive note, I've also witnessed women expanding or escaping that box, despite being raised this way.
Lack of decision-making power:
Women with little to no decision-making power in their relationship or household may unconsciously accept the role of being their family and husband's handbag. This could involve always deferring to their husband's opinions or decisions or not having an equal say in the essential household or financial decisions.
The blindspot here, like with so many other blindspots created by our socially constructed gender role, is that some women are getting so used to playing this role that they don't even think anything of it. It has become their habit. They might surround themselves with other women who are just like that too! Making it ‘normal’ not to have a voice.
They might even tell themselves, ' I don't have an opinion about x,y,z. Therefore I choose to allow my family and husband to lead the way. Placing themselves into the 'I'm not good enough box.' - a very populated box, by the way!
They often don't wake up from this position until much later; some never do.
Constantly putting their families or husband's needs first:
Women who prioritise their families/husbands'’ needs over their own to the point where they neglect their self-care, career or mental health. They may unconsciously accept the role of being someone else's handbag. This could involve constantly catering to their family's needs, even at the expense of their well-being, not setting healthy boundaries, and not having a healthy relationship with themselves. They could be self-sabotaging their future, making it more challenging to be financially independent.
They also need to remember what signal they are showing to their children. What are they teaching their sons and daughters about setting healthy boundaries and having a good relationship with themselves as leaders in their own life?
It's essential for women to be aware of these indications and to reflect on whether they are unconsciously accepting the role of being their family/husband's handbag.
It's also crucial for their men, their husbands or partners to watch out if their wives or partners are not setting healthy boundaries. As this has been a socially accepted role for so many women throughout history, men and women need to be aware that they could unconsciously play the gender stereotype roles by following the social conditions without questioning if that is aligned with who they are and what they want to stand for.
By raising our awareness, acknowledging these patterns and getting out of their unempowering boxes by setting healthy boundaries, women can reclaim their freedom and identities and pursue their goals and ambitions rather than putting themselves last.
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PS: Do you find this out-of-the-box topic of interest? Want to take it further with your team or network?
Let’s talk! CLICK HERE!
Rúna Magnúsdóttir, a change-maker, international speaker, and ambassador for the new paradigm for gender equality Manifesto.