The idea of gender norms has been around for a long time, but recent years have seen a shift in attitudes, and many people are questioning the need for these norms. 

But we are so far from reaching gender equity it's painful to watch. This blog post examines what it takes to bring lasting change when dismantling gender norms. We'll discuss how to start a conversation about gender norms for childcare, strategies for combating them, and ways to create a more equitable society. We'll also look at how to support conscious parents trying to break down the old gender stereotype boxes.

My friend Harriet Waley-Cohen recently posted on LinkedIn a post around the latest research Pregnant Then Screwed released their latest research into childcare in the UK the other day.  

This post got a huge reaction on the social media platform.

One particular statement shook me to the core!

It said: 

Shockingly, 3 out of 4 mothers said it no longer makes financial sense for them to work.

OMG, I thought to myself! It's 2023, and this is how so many women think of themselves.

Mum's wages = childcare cost

My first thought was: Why on earth do we continue to calculate the cost of childcare this way? 

Shouldn't it rather be?

Parent's Wages = Childcare cost? 

Can you see how just talking about this colossal gender equality issue in a way that it's about women being forced by society to put an equal mark between their personal wages the childcare?

These gender roles can have harmful consequences, such as limiting women's career prospects and perpetuating gender inequality.

It's 2023, and we are still in the conversation - putting our focus on mothers being the caregiver, and if their wages don't cover childcare, that equals, they should just as well stay at home!

• Why don't we have more conversations about fathers and their roles in childcare?

• Why do so many women automatically compare their wages vs childcare costs?

• Why isn't it the parent's collective wages, and what that costs them to get childcare?

• Why isn't it about which parent loves the caregiver role? Rather than assuming that it's the mother's 'natural role!
  

Hey... some mothers are natural at it - some are not! And some fathers are natural caregivers, but they are not given the space to show it because that could be seen as feminine! 

Gender roles have been socially constructed over centuries and continue to shape our daily lives, including our decisions around work and childcare. 

One of the most significant reasons why we still see childcare being the mother's role is due to social constructs of gender roles. Society has long believed that women should be the primary caregivers for children. This expectation has been reinforced by the fact that women are typically the ones who give birth and breastfeed, and few policies are in place to support fathers who wish to take on a more active role in childcare. 

And I get it! Women are the ones who breastfeed - but they are not breastfeeding (generally) for years and years, and it's a minimal time in a child's life. At the same time, more women are graduating from universities with diplomas, knowledge and skills that society isn’t creating space for them to share!

This does not make any economic sense!

It's time to challenge these social constructs and recognise that we need to change the conversation to make childcare seen as a shared responsibility between parents. 

What happens if we carry on as usual?  

Three Consequences Of Keeping The Status Qoe

If we don't change the status quo around childcare being primarily the mother's responsibility, there are several consequences that we will continue to face.

Here are three points to consider:

1. Limitations on women's economic empowerment: If we keep assuming it's the women's role to be the caregiver. We are holding tight to the ancient traditional roles of women. That will limit their economic empowerment and the society's economy. It means their society isn't tapping into their knowledge, skills, and years of education. This can result in lower income, limited career prospects, and a higher risk of poverty, especially if they become single parents. It can also perpetuate the gender pay gap, as women not in the workforce may not have the same opportunities to advance their careers and earn higher salaries.

2. The strain on mental health: You can love your child to the moon and back, but you might not flourish as a primary caregiver! This is a crucial point to look at. It has nothing to do with how much you love your child/children. It concerns who you are and what you are here to do in this lifetime. When mothers are stuck in their 'Good Girl Box' and accept the socially constructed age-old gender role, it can be emotionally and physically exhausting. It is exhausting to try to fulfil the socially constructed gender box. And the more you try to be someone you are not, and you find that society expects you to do this, the more the pressure to balance work and childcare can take a toll on mental health. Not to mention the shame and stigma many women feel when they don't flourish at home as they think society expects them to handle. This can impact the overall well-being of the entire family.  

3. Reinforcement of gender stereotypes: If childcare continues to be viewed as primarily a mother's responsibility, it reinforces gender stereotypes and perpetuates the belief that women are naturally better caregivers. This can limit men's involvement in childcare and support the idea that it's not their responsibility. It can also impact children's expectations about gender roles and may perpetuate traditional gender norms in future generations.

"Gender equality requires a new paradigm in which we can be ourselves, free from the limitations of traditional gender roles. It's time to break down the social constructs of the gender box that has defined gender for generations and create a world where individuals can express their true selves. Ultimately, a world in which we can be ourselves more, less socially constructed by our genders, is one in which everyone can thrive."

Yes, we need the courage to do things differently.

"Children learn by example; parents are the most important role models. Parents demonstrate to their children the importance of being involved and responsible caregivers by taking an active role in childcare. When children see their parents working together to care for them, they learn valuable lessons about teamwork, communication, and the importance of sharing responsibilities. Ultimately, being a positive role model for your child can help shape their values and behaviour for their lives."

Overall, the consequences of not changing the status quo around childcare being primarily the mother's responsibility are far-reaching and impact women, their families, and future generations. It's time to challenge these gender roles and recognise that childcare should be a shared responsibility between parents.

Ready to give your team and audience an insight into The New Paradigm for Gender Equality?
Contact Rúna!